You sat in your room again. You were alone and cold to the bone. Nothing you did could warm you or change this lagging, depressed feeling. Everything you said or did seemed to be in vane, pointless, nonsense.
You decided to walk, it was raining outside, dark, windy, eerie...just as how you felt. You grabbed your jacket, your long, black one, no umbrella, and made your way out of the house. Every sign you passed, every child hurrying to get the mail and rush back inside to the warmth. Their cheerful spirits, the stop signs vibrant colors...you were jealous of it all. Everything you saw led to envy and hatred. You couldn't stop it, you couldn't ignore it.
You saw Ludwig walking from the gas station. You caught his eye. Your body wouldn't decide if this was a good or bad thing, you just wanted to see someone else's pain, someone else's suffering, and enjoy being the one on top...
"___, are you okay?" He looked at you. The only thing he could see was your lips. Your hood covered the rest of your face. You were uninterested and felt ready to snap. You'd been dealing with the suppressing feelings for as long as you could remember, and recently you just couldn't shake them. You were spiraling down.
"___...can you-" you snapped. You slapped him in the face. He would be the one to feel the pain. You loved Ludwig. He was your boyfriend. He knew of your depression, but never had you told him the extent of it.
His eyes grew wide. He was shocked, but one look into your eyes, and he understood.
"...go on" he said, barely a whisper. He lowed his head and braced himself for the beating ready to come.
"SHUT UP!" You weren't your self anymore. You couldn't stop hitting him...you couldn't. You scratched his face, you bit his shoulders, tore into his skin with your nails. The tears falling from your face faster than you could wipe them. You felt hopeless. Was hurting him helping? Was being on top...really what you thought it would be?
No. No it wasn't. You stopped. The wind blew your hood off and removed the hair from your face, allowing you to see the damage. Ludwig was covered in blood. Phaser us had called the police.
When Germany saw the consciousness in your eyes of what you had done, he immediately took you into his arms. "It's ok,___, I understand. Everything will be ok. The police won't get you. Everything will be ok...I love you." The people dropped their cell phones, their jaws dropped at hearing his "I love you" how could anyone love a monster like you?
"I'm so...I so so sorry..." You were crying even harder now; you couldn't see anything, the tears obstructed your vision. Nothing was as you wanted it. You were on top, and you just felt worse.
"I love you..." He repeated. Suddenly...you didn't feel as bad.
"I'm so sorry...I love you too..." There was no one like Ludwig. He'd saved you so many times...why did he stay with you? You didn't know. But you sure as hell were happy.
(Part one of maybe 2)